went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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