I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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