it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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