I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
