we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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