Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
