im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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