I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
