It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
