it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
