People with herpes should wear stickers.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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