What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
