3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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