Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
