1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
