So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
