It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
