If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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