I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
