i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I am puke
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
