put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
