Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
