Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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