If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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