Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
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i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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