What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
