Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
