I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
