all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
