im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
