She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
