Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
