i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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