i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
