he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
