His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
