I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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