my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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