Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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