Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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