He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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