I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You can't motorboat a personality
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
