I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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