Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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