You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
