I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
