Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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