He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
