Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
