you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
