i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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