I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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