Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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