Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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