if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
