so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
