Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
