if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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