I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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