I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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