Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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